Giving yourself permission to STOP

It's a little hard to think that our lives will soon be winding up to the full routine again next week. We want our children to enjoy a variety of activities, as well as the attention they need at home, but once those wheels of activity start turning we really do have to watch that they don't gather too much momentum so as to feel like we're losing control.

For the past 4 weeks, we've had a very relaxing routine holidaying at home. It's meant that we could focus on times together on some outings, doing some of those jobs around the house that usually only wait for a weekend, or me just having time to prepare more relaxing meals in the kitchen. I've even managed to read a couple of MY books from cover to cover instead of just speed reading through a few chapters.

Thinking ahead, I already know when some of those times of feeling burnt out are likely to occur. It's usually when there are various deadlines to be met, such as exams for the children's dancing and violin, or when I start helping with the costume making for the concert. It will also be when there's illness, and when any unknown trials come along. It will be when I have too many expectations and just can't stretch any further.

Being overburdened means you need to give yourself permission to stop. Give yourself permission to say 'no' and breathe. Be realistic about all those outings, or trying to tick all those boxes on your lists, and let the lesser priorities wait until another day. Saying 'no' to the children is probably the hardest, but a little tact of distraction, or asking them to give you 1 hr 'time out' before you even think about their request, often works here.

If you can delegate, do so. Sharing jobs that you feel only you can do is helping your children become more independent. That also means giving them bite-size responsibilities in the beginning, and be willing to put some early mistakes down to learning experience. I know that sometimes Mums can feel they must do everything, otherwise it won't be done properly, but that isn't really helping anyone (is it?)

I know that both parents can get very tired from the regular routine, but mixing things up a little gives some variety. Here are a few examples of activities we do here:

- Papa takes the children on a bike ride for a few hours. I can then use that time as I need/want.
- Take turns taking only one child out on a 'date' for a day while the other/s stay home with Papa (or relative/friend) .. and visa versa with Papa taking only one on a 'date'.
- A friend offers to have the children one night while you both go out, and you return the favour on another occasion.
- Put the bookwork away after lunch and everyone take on a family hobby (something outdoors is ideal). A kite making and flying day was something we did a few years ago .. lots of fun! Or maybe a game of cricket, a swim at a local waterhole ... you name it.
- Make one week a 'focus on art week', or something similar. Doing only one subject means the children and yourself can become absorbed into some creativity, spending as much time as you like each day on a project.

For mums especially:

- Don't forget to take on your hobby and show your children your interest. I'd forgotten recently that my children hadn't heard me play the piano much, and I should do so more often rather than just play for instruction. I also want to work on my quilting more, as I'd really like to see some UFOs (Un-Finished Projects) completed.

- Try to organise a pamper-yourself week occasionally. I'm prone to ignoring my need for a haircut and get everyone else organised first. One tip I've read on FlyLady is to mark on the calender when that haircut is booked (which is around every 4 months for myself). Then, for all of that week, plan at least one thing that is going to uplift you each day. It can be for an hour, or 10 mins. It's up to you. Eg: a relaxing soak in the tub (while Papa reads or plays a board game with the children), give yourself a manicure, make up the bedroom with fresh linen and a pretty vase of flowers, go out with some Mums for a cuppa and chat after dinner.

- In quieter weeks, 'make hay while the sun shines'. That is, prepare some meals in advance for those busier times. I'm trying to catch up on some baking now so that when all the dancing activities resume, I don't suddenly feel swamped into a mass of activity as well as trying to manage the household.

- Oh, and one I used to do but have been neglecting, take time for an occasional long walk on your own, at your own pace.


Don't forget to watch the children for signs of disinterest or stress, also. They may need a change of pace, or even perhaps something new altogether, to brighten them up again. Often I've been guilty of agreeing to too many outings in a week. Keeping the peace and a happy household is not an easy task, and not everyone has the same facilities or helpers around them, but the first task must be to be watchful and let everyone communicate their needs. That's at least one big step forward before choosing ideas to remedy the situation.

With that, I hope everyone has a lovely year ahead. No doubt, things will happen that were unplanned, and there'll be those very busy times ahead, but there also will be many wonderful times to remember.

Have a read of some other ideas on the topic of handling burn-out from the TOS Crew here.